Fed up with the negative!

I guess if you read this you know I usually only write when I have something that's really bothering me. Well a lot has changed for my family in the last six months and I feel like I have very few friends left because I am not as useful as I was. By this I mean I no longer do daycare therefore why should anyone be nice to me any more. For starters after a very stressful month of having my whole future on the line and all my hard work of juggling college, full time work, and family for the last eight years to mean diddly squat, not to mention all the student loans that would be almost impossible to pay off because there is nothing that I could transfer my credits into, my husband and I decided that it would be in our best interest for our family if I would quit. So I fought for everyone who was in my daycare to get a good month and a half warning until I was quitting. Dustin wanted it done. He was sick of the kids wrecking his things, he was sick of how wound up I was at the end of the day freaking out about every little thing, he was sick of not being able to go on vacation without a month warning. And the fact that with one little mishap I could be out of a job, out of a career, and in debt up to our eyeballs with no way out. I cried constantly for about four weeks. I couldn't sleep I felt worthless. I also felt like my life was not in my hands any longer. I understand that for my daycare parents this was a frustrating time as well, but the most you had to lose was a daycare provider. Many of you do not know that at the same time my super well mannered and timid cousin was going through the same thing up in the cities. A little boy started to have seizures and she called 911. DHS came in and red flagged her and sent her families packing that day. Closed her down took away her license and  interrogated her children in a room alone. I know my cousin would never hurt a fly and the doctors figured out that the child had a mass behind his eye that was putting pressure on nerves causing him to seizure. Totally without a doubt not her fault. But yet they ruined her life in the blink of an eye. So while everyone was telling me it would be all right, I knew it could go so wrong. I'm not saying I was the best daycare lady nor am I saying I could do no wrong. But I really tried to love those children like my own. I tried to teach them responsibility for their actions, empathy for others and acknowledgement of others feelings, self respect, and respect of others, which I feel are things many youngsters are missing out on. Teaching this I was not always the favorite of many of my daycare kids but that didn't bother me because I knew I was teaching them valuable life skills. I was confident they were growing to be more respectful and contributing community members. I know this is an odd way to look at children but it's also the way I look at teaching. You can't teach a disrespectful child anything if they believe you know nothing. But if you teach a child to be respectful and listen they are all ears. I miss my daycare kids. I don't miss the long days, the sacrifices, and the disrespect from parents. I can handle a disrespectful child. But disrespectful parents are another thing. And if anyone is wondering what sacrifices I meant I mean not being able to bring my son to much needed doctor appointments, canceling soccer games, dance classes, and other family outings because of late parents. My house, my marriage, my children. I also spent a lot of extra money I didn't need to so that the children had fun and learned. And what do I have to show for it all? Nothing. A lot of my daycare parents showed their true colors by leaving me high and dry. That only solidifies my decision that quitting daycare was the right thing to do. Now I look at the people I have met in Sioux Center and the relationships I have and it makes me want to leave this place. For as many churches as we have in this town it saddens me as to how many people are such poor Christians spirited people are here. A lot of holier than thou attitudes. I now see just how valuable I am as a member of this community, not at all. So thank you all for the support in the worst six months of my life! I listened, offered advice and supported all of you through everything.