Getting excited about finishing college!

As I am getting closer to the end of my college career I am excited about the future. I am working on my teaching philosophy and I begin to worry. I know my heart is in the right place and I want to help children feel valued and encouraged to continue learning. I also feel very apprehensive. Am I going to convey this idea of my sufficiently? Are the schools who are going to look at my philosophy like what they see? Will they think of me as a dreamer? Someone who does not understand the limitations that teachers have. I am also worried as I look at my resume and see so much time in college and so many job positions held. You are supposed to list everything you have done in the past 15 years. I can see that a normal college grad will have very few jobs and a simple history of education. As I look at mine I have quite a few places I've been over the last 15 years. I moved to Sioux Center, then to Boyden, back to Sioux Center, and three of the places I have worked have closed down. That's only my work history! My education history includes four colleges and seven years later I am still not finished. Will it look like I'm lazy? Will they think I'm not knowledgeable? In reality I had worked many hour plus attended school. I've had two of my own children. My oldest has had many problems with school in which I have been working with him on. I have a lot of things that have made my days busy. Does that mean I didn't work as hard as the younger graduate that breezed through school? Are the administrators going to understand that? Or will they even care?I know children and I understand how a parent feels when they believe the teacher is not being helpful. I have first hand experience working with teachers, doctors, and therapists. But none of this will be conveyed when they look at my resume. What they will see is that it took me twice as long to complete college as the normal student. And that I have hopped around quite a lot. It is quite nerve wrecking.

Fed up with the negative!

I guess if you read this you know I usually only write when I have something that's really bothering me. Well a lot has changed for my family in the last six months and I feel like I have very few friends left because I am not as useful as I was. By this I mean I no longer do daycare therefore why should anyone be nice to me any more. For starters after a very stressful month of having my whole future on the line and all my hard work of juggling college, full time work, and family for the last eight years to mean diddly squat, not to mention all the student loans that would be almost impossible to pay off because there is nothing that I could transfer my credits into, my husband and I decided that it would be in our best interest for our family if I would quit. So I fought for everyone who was in my daycare to get a good month and a half warning until I was quitting. Dustin wanted it done. He was sick of the kids wrecking his things, he was sick of how wound up I was at the end of the day freaking out about every little thing, he was sick of not being able to go on vacation without a month warning. And the fact that with one little mishap I could be out of a job, out of a career, and in debt up to our eyeballs with no way out. I cried constantly for about four weeks. I couldn't sleep I felt worthless. I also felt like my life was not in my hands any longer. I understand that for my daycare parents this was a frustrating time as well, but the most you had to lose was a daycare provider. Many of you do not know that at the same time my super well mannered and timid cousin was going through the same thing up in the cities. A little boy started to have seizures and she called 911. DHS came in and red flagged her and sent her families packing that day. Closed her down took away her license and  interrogated her children in a room alone. I know my cousin would never hurt a fly and the doctors figured out that the child had a mass behind his eye that was putting pressure on nerves causing him to seizure. Totally without a doubt not her fault. But yet they ruined her life in the blink of an eye. So while everyone was telling me it would be all right, I knew it could go so wrong. I'm not saying I was the best daycare lady nor am I saying I could do no wrong. But I really tried to love those children like my own. I tried to teach them responsibility for their actions, empathy for others and acknowledgement of others feelings, self respect, and respect of others, which I feel are things many youngsters are missing out on. Teaching this I was not always the favorite of many of my daycare kids but that didn't bother me because I knew I was teaching them valuable life skills. I was confident they were growing to be more respectful and contributing community members. I know this is an odd way to look at children but it's also the way I look at teaching. You can't teach a disrespectful child anything if they believe you know nothing. But if you teach a child to be respectful and listen they are all ears. I miss my daycare kids. I don't miss the long days, the sacrifices, and the disrespect from parents. I can handle a disrespectful child. But disrespectful parents are another thing. And if anyone is wondering what sacrifices I meant I mean not being able to bring my son to much needed doctor appointments, canceling soccer games, dance classes, and other family outings because of late parents. My house, my marriage, my children. I also spent a lot of extra money I didn't need to so that the children had fun and learned. And what do I have to show for it all? Nothing. A lot of my daycare parents showed their true colors by leaving me high and dry. That only solidifies my decision that quitting daycare was the right thing to do. Now I look at the people I have met in Sioux Center and the relationships I have and it makes me want to leave this place. For as many churches as we have in this town it saddens me as to how many people are such poor Christians spirited people are here. A lot of holier than thou attitudes. I now see just how valuable I am as a member of this community, not at all. So thank you all for the support in the worst six months of my life! I listened, offered advice and supported all of you through everything.

Bullies and users

There has been many points in my life when I have felt bullied and used including by my parents who are supposed to be the ones who comfort you in these times. I always thought when you grew up it would happen less. I was totally wrong. Not only have I been continued to get bullied in aggressive production places of employment but now in my own home by the parents of the children I watch. This has brought my heart so low I can't even stand it. I intentionally choose to work with children because I loved how innocent and kind they are. What I failed to think of was how cruel their parents could be. Must you not only tear down my respect for myself and your children but also my business all together? Do you even understand the consequences of your actions? Let me lay it out for you clearly it will have one of two ways. One you and your child will have to find a new place to go or two you will demolish my whole business and send everyone packing including yourselves. That's the thing about bullies is they just don't think about the consequences. On the other hand I never make a choice without thinking how it will reflect back on to the others in my life. Also think about the example you are setting for your children. You're telling them they don't have to respect others including their authorities. Bullies breed bullies and those that take advantage teach their children to be a drain on society rather than to add to it. I teach children to be kind to each other. I teach them to add to our community with their special talents. I teach them that they are always good enough as long as they try and I'll always be proud of them for telling the truth and helping a friend in need. All I ask for in return is a little respect. Enough to support what I am doing with your children and enough to give them what they deserve. I can't do my job properly if I am worried about providing a balanced diet for them. Or paying the electric so they can be comfortable because their parents decided they needed to go out one more night or they really needed that new dress. I take care of my kids first and I am always last. I take care of your kids before myself. All I ask is that you support me instead of breaking me down.

Cries of a child from divorced parents

I'm feeling very urged to express my feelings and concerns for those parents I know that are going through a divorce and struggling with redefining themselves and their family. First I want to say my parents in my mind have never been together. Their divorce was when I was 1. Besides being completely confusing as to how we were supposed to act because each parent had different rules, their actions for their own lives effected us as well.
The worst thing you can start doing is putting yourself and your "needs" first. When I say needs I mean your need to try and smash someone into that hole that was made when you decided you'd be better off alone. You are emotional and I get that you think you need some emotional support but you don't need to start dating to get that. It is way worse to go to the wrong places to fill this need than to leave it open. Not only for you but your children as well. My mom was many things but mother was never shown to be priority unless she currently had a boyfriend. Do you want your children to take a backseat to your flings? They will always love you but men will come and go as you have already demonstrated. Also think of the message you want to send to your child. Your teaching them that they need someone. Not to wait for someone amazing but that they just need anyone.
I watched my mom for years get ready to go out and as the time went on I started resenting every time I saw her standing in her closet or in front of the mirror because I knew she wasn't going to be spending time with me. Your children need you. Actually need you more than you think you need a date. Because one day they will look back on their life and ask why they weren't enough. Why you felt the need to look for love elsewhere when you had plenty to offer them. I was always told you'll understand when your older. But I don't I would never want my children to question their place in my life. They are my life.  I have now since grown up and have wondered why I was so unlovable since others mothers always have done everything for their children. I'm not saying don't date but I am saying maybe leave it as a low priority.
And on the other hand they dont need a friend in you they need a parent. Don't just hand them everything they want. You now need to be the enforcer and the law maker. You have to teach them right from wrong because if you don't find time no one will. It is your responsibility to raise they up to be a contributing member of society and not a selfish spoiled person. They understand far more than you think they do and babying them is justification in their eyes that they can take advantage of others because of their condition. These are the two biggest things I have had a hard time dealing with being from a divorced family. Just remember you now are fully responsible for how your children turn out teach them where their priorities should be.

Stressed out!

It always seems right when you're getting where you need to be life has a way of messing it all up. I was just getting to where I needed to be financially and my world flips upside down and chews me up and spits me out. I need a fence for my daycare. It is not a want it is a need. I had all but $1000 saved up for the dang thing and you know life comes around and kicks me off my feet. I had to use some of that money to pay my assistant because some people didn't tell me their kids weren't coming until too late, didn't get paid for them and then still needed to pay my assistant who drove all the way from Alton to come work but I didn't even need her 4 days in a row! Then the holiday comes everyone is off different days couldn't do anything because I had to work everyday but made a misely $6.50 an hour all week long yea! No it blows. When my assistant was here I don't even think I made that maybe $5 an hour. Sweet! Then this whole Obama care thing is royaly screwing over anyone who is self employed which happens to be both of us awesome! And then people order things and then stiff me with their finished custom order and no money! I can't afford this. Totally feeling screwed over. I thought just maybe I'd be able to make up all the lost money from last weeks vacation goers this week. Think again! 4 kids tomorrow! 4 that's a total of $9 an hour putting my average at $7.50 an hour. Not good. What do I do? Fire my assistant? Replace kids whose moms are unreliable? Find a new job all together? Feeling so lost and underappreciated. Oh and to top it off all the boys missed the toilet so much lately the whole floor and sub flooring is shot all around the toilet so there goes some of the money I needed for my fence as well. Then while we are at it we might as well by a new toilet since that doesn't work very well either. i think I have to plunger it evry other day if not every day. Yay that fence that I actually really need is getting farther and farther away. And oh yes I can get some grant money to help pay for it if I buy more insurance which is barely less than what the amount of grant money would be worth. And the insurance company wants to see pictures of the fence I don't have in order for me to qualify for the insurance! Yay! One big loop hole of suckiness. easy come easy go! I sure hope things start turning around soon because I can not afford another week like this last.

Kinda peeved

I do understand that I'm not a big corporation and I do understand I'm not a "preschool" but I get aggrevated when people really don't know the difference. Want to know the truth about preschools is that Iowa has no standards for preschools except that they have a daycare registration. So guess what they have the same standards as me except I actually use a program that compares to the state standards at the elmentary level. I can prove which standards each activity not just each lesson apply to and how. I also know I am way cheaper than the daycare center and on the lower end for rates. So why do I get treated like crap? No one would like it if they received their paychecks a week late. Or if someone decided you weren't going to get 1/6 of your pay check anymore. I do what I do because I love the children and I love to see them learn and succeed when they move on. All I ask in return is a bit of respect and to be paid on time, and to be told when not to expect children since I did hire an assistant to help me on days when all the children are present. I think it's a bit easier for everyone if they just text or call and say I'm not gonna be there today instead of having my assistant drive 15 miles to work for diddly because we don't get paid that much and then what get sent back home at noon when I finally find out people aren't showing up. So then I'm just supposed to pay her half of what I normally make and eat the lost money because someone else decided it to be that way without telling me?! Very frusterating! It really belittles all the extra stuff that I do with the kids that I know other places dont. It also eats away every last dime I extra I could spend on the kids getting ice cream, going to the zoo, or checking out a movie. What is that old saying you get what you pay for? Maybe you should find elsewhere to daycare then. Because these are all examples of how disrespectful you have been. This is my job. And people need to understand that it is my only income. It also  changes significantly from day to day and if I were any other proffession things would be drastically different. It is a creature of it's own and it totally exasperates me to be treated so disrespectfully. I take care of your children 40-50 hours a week. I wipe their tears, I feed them nutricious meals, I teach them manners, kindness, cleanliness, responsibility, abcs, 123s, all about the world around them, and most importantly self worth. All I ask for inreturn is for a bit of respect. I have and will never treat anyone this way let alone someone who looks after my children when I cannot myself. Just some food for thought, and I know other daycare ladies feel the same a lot because the most common complaint about the business is not getting paid. I'm done ranting but it seriously ticks me off.

Ugh! Do you ever wonder when you're bad day or week came from? Did it start with my bad attitude or was it caused by other's bad attitudes? I have realized that when Daddy, isn't happy Mommy isn't happy, and the kids aren't happy but that doesn't happen very often. I do catch myself being snippy after I've been snipped at and I also find it so hard to say sorry to them for it when I know it's totally my fault for taking it out on them. But this week was just weird. It seemed that all the daycare kids were edgy. I really started the week out on the right foot ready to go and eager to start but then it was like every time I went to help one child the next one was screaming or the other one fell, and it went on and on. Someone spilled their milk, someone peed their pants, so and so used all the soap from the brand new bottle and now has suds from elbow to fingertips and in their hair and all over my bathroom. While I'm cleaning that mess up another goes and dumps out all the toys the others had spent the last 15 min. cleaning up and is now getting yelled at by the others about how mean they are. Ugh! by the end of the day I have been so ready to sit down and enjoy the quietness that I now have a overflowing pile of dishes, bout 5 loads of laundry and a totally sticky and scummy house from top to bottom. Oh and someone decided to use their vegetables to paint pretty pictures on my windows. Oh and my counselor called and wanted to make sure I was progressing on my 10 page research paper due on Wednesday. No I haven't done anything but yet everything and I can't even begin to think about where to begin now. And could someone please help me set up my google schedule! I am so lost I can't even find the appointments that I add in. What has happened to my week? Maybe I should be doing something more productive than writing on my blog but I can't even think at this point. I am so ready for this assistant to start if only to keep the peace while I help clean up all the messes. It seemed like everyone was spilling milk and peeing their pants and breaking things this week. So my question where did my attitude come from myself or my work week? Did I make the kids week bad or did they make my week bad? I guess I need to get to work and make sure to start next week out on a better foot!